List of Funny Basketball Commentator Sayings

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Funny Basketball Quotes Biography
This week, in my continuing "Superlative 15 Funniest Quotes," I have on basketball. I don't know well-nigh y'all, but basketball is no longer about the actual sport, at present it's well-nigh entertainment. Here's the superlative 15 quotes I could notice in no detail club. If y'all have any more to share, feel free to do so. Savour!

xv. "What is and then fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a brawl through a hoop?"—Woody Allen

xiv. "They say that nobody is perfect. And then they tell yous practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds."—Wilt Chamberlain

xiii. "Fans never fall asleep at our games, because they're agape they might get hitting past a pass."—George Raveling

12. "If I weren't earning $iii million a year to dunk a basketball, almost people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming."—Charles Barkley

xi. "Basketball doesn't build graphic symbol. It reveals it."—Unknown

10. "The invention of basketball game was not an accident.It was developed to meet a demand. Those boys simply would not play "Drop the Handkerchief."—James Naismith

9. "These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich similar me, they won't make y'all rebound like me, they definitely won't brand you handsome like me. They'll only make you accept shoes similar me. That'due south it."—Charles Barkley

8. "I knew I was canis familiaris meat. Luckily, I'thou the high-priced canis familiaris meat that everybody wants. I'm the expert-quality dog meat. I'yard the Alpo of the NBA."—Shaquille O'Neal

seven. "There are really only ii plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn brawl in the basket." - Abe Lemons

6. "We accept a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors."—Weldon Drew

5. "Any time Detroit scores more than a hundred points and holds the other team beneath a hundred points, they near always win."—Doug Collins

4. "I haven't been able to slam-douse the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the xxx-eight years before that, either."—Dave Barry

3. "The cloak-and-dagger is to have eight swell players and iv others who volition cheer like crazy." - Jerry Tarkanian

2. "Any American boy can exist a basketball game star if he grows up, up, up."—Pecker Vaughn

1. "Y'all don't play against opponents, you play against the game of basketball."—Bobby Knight

For those of you interested in my first two manufactures in this series, here they are.

Week 1: The Funny Side Of Golf: Top xv Golf game Quotes

Calendar week 2: Top 15 Funniest Quotes from Soccer Players, Managers, and Commentators

"These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you lot rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll merely make you have shoes similar me. That'southward it."
- Charles Barkley

"If you make every game a life and expiry proposition, yous're going to have problems. For one thing, y'all'll exist dead a lot."
Dean Smith

"Good, improve, best. Never let information technology residue. Until your skillful is better and your better is all-time.
Tim Duncan

"After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off tape 69 points - I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score seventy points."
Stacey King

"I'thou in favour of drug tests, just so long equally they are multiple choice."
Kurt Rambis

" I merely know how to play two ways: reckless and carelessness."
Earvin 'Magic' Johnson

"I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the by five years. Or, for the thirty-viii years earlier that, either."
Dave Barry

"I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet."
Tom Tolbert

"If yous are going to take information technology to the depository financial institution, then you improve cash it in."
Shannon Fish

"The undercover is to have 8 corking players and four others who will cheer similar crazy."
Jerry Tarkanian

"In my prime I could take handled Michael Jordan. Of course, he would be only 12 years old."
Jerry Sloan

"Sometimes a actor's greatest claiming is coming to grips with his office on the team."
Scottie Pippen

"On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The visitor should change its name to Mike."
Alvin Robertson

"You can say something to popes, kings and presidents, just you can't talk to officials. In the next state of war they ought to requite anybody a whistle."
Abe Lemmons (1977)

"Some things you lot but can't question. Like y'all can't question why two plus two is iv. So don't question it, don't try to wait information technology upward. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is iv. So certain things happen. Why does information technology rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know."
Shaquille O'Neal

"Merely you have to understand, my bristles is so nasty. I mean, it'due south the only bristles in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good."
Bill Walton

"One man can be a crucial ingredient on a squad, but one man cannot make a team."
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

"Fans never autumn asleep at our games, because they're agape they might get hit by a pass."
George Raveling

"Basketball is like photography, if you don't focus, all yous accept is the negative.
Dan Frisby

"The way my team are doing, we could get Wilt Chamberlain in a trade and find out that he'south really ii midgets Scotch-taped together."
Gene Shue (1967)

"Basketball has and then much showboating you'd think it was invented by Jerome Kern."
Fine art Spander

"If yous tin walk with your head in the clouds and keep your anxiety on the footing, you can make a million dollars in the NBA."
Gary Dornhoefer (1975)

"Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody – from any planet!"
Bill Walton

"The psychology teacher had only finished a lecture on mental wellness and was giving an oral test. Speaking virtually manic depression, she asked, 'How would you diagnose a patient who walks dorsum and along screaming at the acme of his lungs 1 minute, and then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?' A immature man in the rear raised his hand and answered, 'A basketball coach?'"
Old Basketball Joke

"Whatever American male child can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up."
Bill Vaughn

"Winning is like deodorant - it comes up and a lot of things don't stink."
Doc Rivers

"On the all-time tactic when playing alongside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- Just give him the ball."
Earvin 'Magic' Johnson

"In basketball, the kickoff person to touch the brawl shoots it. Either that or the omnibus carefully diagrams a set play and and then the showtime player to impact it shoots information technology."
Gene Klein

"Nobody roots for Goliath."
Wilt Chamberlain

"At that place are really only ii plays: Romeo and Juliet, and put the darn ball in the handbasket."
Abe Lemons

"They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I swallow bagels in the morning."
Shaquille O'Neal

"Boards, Boards, Boards"
Knute Rockne

"Left manus, right hand, information technology doesn't matter. I'thousand amphibious."
Charles Shackleford

"I knew I was canis familiaris meat. Luckily, I'g the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'thousand the good-quality dog meat. I'k the Alpo of the NBA."
Shaquille O'Neal

"We're shooting 100 percent - sixty percentage from the field and 40 percent from the costless-throw line."
Norm Stewart

"Magic Johnson is the all-time player who plays on the basis, and Michael Jordan is the all-time player who plays in the air."
John Paxson

"Basketball is similar war in that offensive weapons are adult beginning, and it always takes a while for the defense force to grab upward."
Cherry Auerbach

"If cocaine were helium, the NBA would float away."
Art Rust

"Nosotros told Stanley Roberts to go on a water diet, and Lake Superior disappeared. Pat Williams When Xavier McDaniel plays confronting Orlando Wooldridge, it's a coach'south dream - X vs O."
Mychal Thompson

"Basketball, a game which won't exist fit for people until they set up the basket omphalos-loftier and render the giraffes to the zoo."
Ogden Nash

"John Stockton is one of the true marvels, not just of basketball game, or in America, only in the history of Western Civilization!"
Tom Hammond: "Wow, that'southward a pretty strong statement. I guess I don't have a good handle on world history."
Nib: "Well Tom, that'southward because you didn't go to UCLA."
Bill Walton

"My responsibility is getting all my players playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the one on the back."
Author Unknown

"Son, looks to me like you lot're spending too much time on ane subject."
Shelby Metcalf, basketball bus at Texas A&Thousand, on what he told a player who received iv F'south and one D "A tough day at the office is fifty-fifty tougher when your Function contains spectator seating."
Nik Posa

"They say that nobody is perfect. And then they tell y'all practice makes perfect. I wish they'd brand upward their minds."
Wilt Chamberlain

"In that location are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Hashemite kingdom of jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of back up."
Margaret Thatcher (1992)

"Shooting is but like toenails. They may fall off occasionally, but you know they'll always come up dorsum."
Charles Johnson (1977)

"Part of the charm of basketball game lies in the fact that it'due south a simple game to sympathize. Players race up and down a fairly small-scale area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it."
Dan Jenkins You Call It Sports... (1989)

"If the NBA were on channel 5 and a bunch of frogs making beloved were on channel four, I'd watch the frogs, fifty-fifty if they were coming in fuzzy."
Bobby Knight

"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors."
Weldon Drew

"My sister's expecting a babe, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball actor, explaining to Omnibus Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice

"If you lot run into the Buddha in the lane, feed him the ball."
Phil Jackson

"Yous don't hesitate with Michael, or you lot'll end up on some poster in a gift shop someplace."
Fatten Spencer

"On his telepathic understanding with James Worthy- It'due south almost like nosotros have ESPN."
Earvin 'Magic' Johnson

"I'm tired of hearing about coin, coin, money, money, money. I but desire to play the game, drink Pepsi, wearable Reebok."
Shaquille O'Neal

"What is so fascinating near sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?"
Woody Allen

"On Atlanta's proposed Dominique Wilkins Pike- That'due south the one with all the 'No Passing' signs."
Anon Atlanta disc jockey

"We tin't win at habitation. Nosotros tin't win on the route. Every bit general manager, I merely can't effigy out where else to play."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his squad's vii-27 record in 1992

"Going into a game confronting Lew Alcindor [later Kareem Abdul-Jabbar] is like going into a knife fight and finding there's no bract in your handle."
Bill Fitch

"I believe in higher education. Yous know, six'eight", 6'9", 6'x"
David Games

"On how to brand the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the handbasket four feet, double the size of the basketball game, limit the acme of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the eye bound, allow taxi drivers in for complimentary and allow the players to carry guns."
Al McGuire

"To say a expert defensive center is more important than a loftier-scoring forrad is similar proverb that the abdominal tract is more vital than the circulatory organisation."
Tetford Taylor

"This [basketball game] is the second almost exciting indoor sport , and the other one shouldn't have spectators."
Dick Vertleib

On his academic aspirations –" The merely way I tin can brand five As is when I sign my name."
Alaa Adbehuby

"The trouble with officials is they only don't care who wins."
Tommy Canterbury

"Here'due south a half-dozen-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?"
Jack McMahon (1965)

"On females officiating in the NBA -Incompetence should not be confined to one sex."
Bill Russell (1976)

"Mick Jagger is in better shape than far too many NBA players. Information technology's up in the air whether the same tin can be said of Keith Richards."
Nib Walton

"The invention of basketball game was non an blow. Information technology was adult to run across a demand. Those boys simply would non play "Driblet the Handkerchief."
James Naismith

"I never thought I'd atomic number 82 the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my squad-mates - they did a lot of missing."
Moses Malone

"Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits."
Dan Jenkins You Call Information technology Sports... (1989)

"I told him, 'Son, what is information technology with yous? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Jitney, I don't know and I don't care."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a sometime player

"The game is likewise long, the flavour is too long and the players are too long."
Jack Dolph (1973)

Funny Basketball Quotes